What She Says vs. What She Really Means

RockPointe Church Marriage Ministry leaders Brian and Edie Sanders describe their 38-year marriage as “gloriously hard.”

“Women tend to view life in color. Men typically view life in black and white,” Brian says.

Both say couples should look beyond their differences and remember they are on the same team and that differences aren’t wrong—just different. The two share some common phrases that men and women often interpret differently. 

“Why don’t we turn off the TV and just talk?”

“What he hears is, ‘Why don’t you put your head in a vise, and I’ll turn the handle until your head explodes.’” 

“I’m fine.”

“When she responds with ‘I’m fine,’ don’t fall for it. She means you need to keep digging until you figure out what’s really bothering her. When he responds with ‘I’m fine’ or ‘What you are wearing is fine,’ it means fine. Fine really means fine.” 

“Let’s cuddle.”

“Intimacy to a woman usually means ‘into me you see.’ And that kind of intimacy is built through talking,” the Sanders say. When she says, ‘Let’s cuddle,’ she actually means, ‘Let’s cuddle.’